Love and Respect By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Have you always looked for your lost keys in the same place over and over again only to find free fall out they were thither in front of your face the whole time? Or have you ever looked over for the pen or pencil that you had all day only to find it behind your ear at the end of the day? This is how I felt when I read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.The run theme of this book is many wedding ceremonys atomic number 18 strained due to the particular that men atomic number 18 from impair and women are from Venus. What I am ordaining here is that a simple missympathy causes the strain. Men put one acrosst grasp what women are printing when they are trying to express themselves and, yes, its true women are in the same predicament concerning men. Husbands arent feeling respected by their wives when, in turn, wives arent feeling write outd by their hubbys.Eggerin states in that respect are trey major unit of ammunitions to the process of Love and Respect. The fi rst rack is named the daft cycle. So named because the husband and wife end up with the same negative results for the same tenableness over and over again and the cycle continues until the check decides to break the cycle. The second cycle is coined the energizing cycle.The couple has now overcome the vicious crazy cycle and can work toward encouraging one another(prenominal) with the cacoethes and respect to each one spouse deserves. Finally, the third cycle is known as the rewarded cycle. This cycle emphasizes the fact that no matter the response of the spouse, your reward is in heaven. I will elaborate on these three cycles and the foundation for the conduct for neck and respect in a marriage.Let me elaborate on how Eggerin came to the epiphany of the need for get it on and respect in a healthy marriage. First, if we look at the success of the twelve tone of voice programs ranging from co-dependency to food dis come outs to chemical addictions, we can come to one concl usion as to their success. They work because they are base on one person with the same problem helping another.Oddly, Dr. Eggerich had the advantage, for lack of a better word, of reflection his parents marriage disintegrate because of the lack of respect and love in it. Interestingly, Eggerich shares his difficulties in his marriage and the difficulty he had with marriage counseling from the start as well. He may have his PhD nevertheless his success concerning marriage counseling is due largely to the fact that he and his wife had the same struggles many couples experience. in that location was a lot of stumbling through cycles of misunderstandings between Emerson and his wife, Sarah. He forgot her birthday one year. After a Bible issue group one night, Sarahs voice grew louder and louder on the way home trying to get through to Emerson concerning his standoffish quiet demeanor. Emerson felt disrespected and hurt and he said to her You can be right but wrong at the top of you r voice. (p.11)One day, for the thousandth time, he read Ephesians 53333 Nevertheless tlet each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she urespects her husband.1Thats when it hit him. It was right in front of his face all time he read it but this time, it truly resonated. He had never seen the connection between love and respect but this time, he did. He came to the realization that a husband is to obey the command to love his wife, fifty-fifty if the wife does not obey the command to respect the husband. Also, the wife is to respect her husband even if the husband does not obey the command to love his wife. So, the connection is love and respect.There are both reasons wherefore love and respect are primary ask. He discusses his personal experience of coming to this understanding from a husbands point of view. When disagreements occur, the husband perceives that the wife is contemptuous or devastating toward him. This, in turn, cau ses the husband to fill up down or blow up at her and the wife does not receive an expression of love (p.17). After years of counseling married couples, I think it is safe to hang your hat on Eggerins theory.The crazy cycle is a down to earth approach to a problem that started at the fall of man. If not broken, this cycle will tear a marriage to pieces. Often, the man is not even conscious(predicate) that it actually is disrespect that the wife is conveying toward him. On the other hand, the wife doesnt understand why her husband is not expressing his love toward her.The steps toward breaking the crazy cycle are just as simple as the realization that it exists. One major component is communication. Learning how to express our feelings in a respectful tone is very(prenominal) important. The communication code is discussed. He uses a funny little good example of how men and women communicate in code. When a wife says I have nothing to wear, she actually fashion I have nothing new . When a man says, I have nothing to wear, he content I have nothing clean. This is an example of the code that needs to be broken in order for couples to move past the crazy cycle.I believe another important thing to mention concerning the crazy cycle is unconditional respect. It is vital for women and men to see that respect is not earned, but given. Eggerson uses an example of a boss in the workplace. He basically says that even if you dont feel respect for your boss, you assuage show respect for him or her. This is an example of unconditional respect. I suppose we can look at it this way as well, we are to give respect, expecting nothing in return. Just the same, we are to give love expecting nothing in return and both love and respect are reciprocal. They feed off of each other.The second cycle that Eggerson discusses is the energizing cycle. This is the cycle in which application is necessary in order to hobble off of the crazy cycle and move forward. There are two separate sections devoted to husbands and wives respectively. each(prenominal) section contains an acronym 1) Couple and 2) Chairs for the wives.The acronym for couple is Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem. To elaborate, a wife penurys her husband to be close and there is a biblical standard for this as well. Genesis 224 says, the husband shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. She also wants her man to open up to her or to tell her whats fortuity inside of him and not shut her down when she asks if something is wrong. Sometimes a wife just wants her husband to harken and not to try and fix her problems for her.This is where understanding comes into play. She desires to be at peace and she wants to hear her husband say that hes sorry some times. Take initiative and pray with her after apologizing. She also needs to know that you arent going anywhere and that you are committed to her. Loyalty is very important in a marriage. If her friend s are upset with her, be there. Even if she is wrong, a husband can still be loyal to his wife by being there for her in her time of need. She wants you esteem her as well. indicate the Song of Solomon and pay special attention to the esteem and love that the man bestows on the Shulamite.For the women, the acronym for chairs is Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality. Respecting a husband is appreciating his desire to work and to achieve. This is not referring to the archaic definition. It merely refers to encouraging a husband in his achievements at work and in life and with the family. The hierarchy is to appreciate his desire to protect and provide. Eggerichs says that we need to keep in mind this is not a chauvinists construct but it is one thing that gives a man purpose.I kind of look at it in the way Christ defines hierarchy and that is that the least will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Men desire to be in authority and there are times that it is okay for a wife to appreciate that. Also, appreciate the wisdom and insight your husband has and his desire to analyze and counsel. Next comes relationship. I know that its hard to understand that sometimes husbands just want you in the same room with them, but its true.They dont always want to chew up about something. Sometimes, they just want their wives with them. Finally, the taboo of Christianity, sexuality Appreciating his desire for sexual intimacy is also very important. Nothing seems to break a man down more than to remove physical intimacy from a relationship.Finally, the third cycle is fairly straightforward. It is a biblical concept through and through. There is no disbelieve as to whether or not Jesus behaved this concept in His life on this earth. The cycle is called the rewarded cycle. Notice it says rewarded. This is referring to the fact that it is done. No matter the husband or wifes response, the reward for the compliant servant is eternal. It is stored in heaven. If a husband pours his love and gives all that he has for his wife, his reward is in heaven. There is no response necessary in order for the husband to be rewarded. If his wife is completely disrespectful then he will still receive his reward and vice-versa for a wife.This book has opened my eye to a whole new reality concerning those who carry the opposite sex and myself. In the long run, there is no reason to give up on a marriage that is not working because of miscommunication and confusion. If we practice humility and recognize the need for biblical truth in married life then anything is possible. t Col. 319 u 1 Pet. 31, 6 1The New King James Version. 1996, c1982 . doubting Thomas Nelson Nashville